It's been a whirlwind of runway fashions, BITCH fits, “liquid diets”, paparazzi attacks, designer duds and dance offs this past week. . .Soooooo, I’m narrowing it down to bitch and expose my Top Three
embarrassing moments of the week:
1) A sticky situation occurred during a late night, high-caloric fixation at Cactus Club. With all the terrible luck I’ve been magneting this month, I topped it off by getting green mint-smelling chewing gum stuck on the back of the knee of my jeans! Mutha F*&%!@%#^&(&%#!!!! And since I was not aware of the elastic filth situation, I had completely smeared the damn thing all over my other knee because I'm a former classy bitch who likes to cross their legs! Mutha F*&%!@%#^&(&%#!!!! AGURH!
Freezing it, boiling it, greasing it and torching it. . .nothing worked. So, since I’m a recent victim of this economic recession, I completely made do and mended it by shearing my Juicy Couture for Men’s skinny jeans to turn them into walking shorts, which I will totally pair up with a gingham collared shirt with rolled up sleeves, a set of casual loafers and pair of Wayfarers to create a perfect ready for summer look.
2) Being on my 'best' behaviour, I worked it out at Vancouver Fashion Week`s Opening Gala Event hosted at Leone in Downtown Vancouver. I strutted around the lavish boutique with much demure wearing a classic white collared shirt, a grey lapel vest, raw skinnies, brown oxford boots, a plaid bow tie and coiffure slicked-up. As coy as I might act, I was feeding off the attention from the countless photographers snapping pictures of me as I swaggered around.
Being on my terrible liquid diet of just wine that day and just being a plain klutz, I spilt red wine on my white collared button down shirt! Mutha F*&%!@%#^&(&%#!!!! With a maaaajah wardrobe malfunction at such a high end event, I WAS COMPLETELY DOOMED FOR SOCIAL SUICIDE! With just a second to think, I threw on my brown leather jacket, pushed the sleeves up and zipped it half way to expose my bow-tie and conceal the wine stain. I had just gracefully revamped my look of pretty school boy to an edgy chic urbanite and was ready to work the room again.
3) Vancouver Fashion Week fever was in town and I was fortunate enough to receive a lovely invitation from my girl L.J.B. (xoxo) to attend some runway shows during the week. Of course, being the maaaajah Divas we are, we all sat front row, leather boots polished, accessories gleaming and BlackBerrys on hand.
Being on my 'best' behaviour, again, I tried
very R eally AWFULLY EXTREMELY hard to not make any foul comments or sassy remarks as models/garments strutted down the runway in the packed venue. As I sat front row, I also avoided any awkward facial expressions because being caught with a raise brow at a runway show is like hurling a butcher’s knife at a hopeful heart!
With that said, I finally understood why guests sometimes wear big black sunglasses at major designer shows while sitting in front row. Besides from the obvious fact of wearing shades for the basic shield of the bright flashing cameras and to look completely bitchy fierce, people wear them because it’s a PERFECT WAY TO CONCEAL YOUR EMOTIONS towards a repulsing garment that it walking across you! Cross your eyes, roll them, gawk and raise them because no one will ever know what you are thinking!
photo credits: Joyce Lam, Yumi Ang, Martin Krzywinski & Jonathan Evans
Looks like this Starving Stylist is literally going to be starving in order to pay off his piling bills. Sure, the economy is currently going down the shitter, but it never occurred to my materialistic brain that it will eventually come around and bitch slap me across the face, only to leave me jobless and in debt. So, like a hooker with no clients, I am desperately seeking for a job.
As a last resort when I still can’t find a job, don’t be so surprised when you see me taking your orders at McDonalds’ mmmmmmmmmmmkay? “Gurllllll, yo sure yo wanna be supersizen dat meal? Coz’ reallyyyyyy, I dun’t thinkin yo should be doin dat!” or “NO, you kant havin no meal here, so yo betta take dat to go!” or even “Yo ain’t getting no free smile herrre, so yo best not be orderin dat!”
So if you didn’t already know, I take pleasure in shopping at discounted chain stores such as Nordstrom Rack and Winners. It’s like my crack. I get a total euphoric thrill by purchasing something completely ridiculous and most often, very inexpensive. Ergo, I love my high end designers at low discount prices!
Shopping at these places is not for everyone, trust me I know. I once witness an overwhelmed girl pass out cold one time in an aisle of size six shoes right next to a pair of Michael Korrs sling-backs! Also, this is definitely NOT a place for the ill-hearted designer label connoisseurs . . .and today was when I found out why.
I witnessed a horrific fashion crime and I’m certainly not talking about those dreadful Crocs! *shivers* Anyways, I've been having a TERRIBLE weekend with emotional events, so I went out solo for what I thought was going to be a 'therapeutic’ shopping trip at Winners, but really it turned out to be a nightmarish experience. I found three physically abused and emotionally neglected Yves Saint Laurent handbags in the clearance aisle! *gasps* These molested handbags were merchandised right next to a trailer trash looking fuchsia coloured Roxy bag, which made me gag in agony! Poor babies were more beat up and tattered than a callgirl who just finished doing her runs around a men’s military base!
These abused YSL’s might have been scuffed and thrown around like stuff animals but it was interesting to see that all three bags were still steady in four digit price range. The large pony-skin, leopard print YSL Downtown tote was still a solid $1,899.00 and that’s on CLEARANCE price with a missing strap and scuff marks included! As heartbreaking as it was seeing these once mint designer pieces being mistreated and ignored, I just couldn’t provide a home for them so I had to bid farewell and hope that someone would come along and be able to care for them.
. . . shalom
Sure, I might be pleading for warmer and sunnier weather but when Jimmy Choo does a boot for Hunter Wellingtons, there’s absolutely no denying of not wanting to have wet weather! Gosh, can you just imagine how retardedly fierce you’ll look sashaying in puddles through the city with these bad boys on and if your umbrella were to embarrassingly flip inside out on you while crossing the busy crosswalk, at least you’ll still look super cuuuuuuute in your Jimmy Chooooooooooos!
With my *fingers crossed* and the hopes of warmer weather to come, I already have an idea of how spring is going to look like for me. Luxuriously supple leathers, a punch of electric colour, velvety conditioners and of course a classic pair of shades. So, I better skipping my meals and saving my money because spring is not going to be so economical.
(b) Robert Geller – Lambskin Leather Bomber Jacket $1,860.00 USD
(c) La Mer – The Hand Treatment $70.00 USD
(d) L’Oreal Paris – Bare Naturale Gentle Lip Conditioner $8.99 USD
(e) Rick Owens – Loop Handle Leather Bag $990.00 USD
(f) Ray Ban – Classic Large Aviators $105.00 USD
(g) Pierre Hardy – Black Patent Leather Chukka Boots $405.00 USD
(h) Orisue – Stack Canvas Twill Jeans in Caribbean $99.00 USD
When Fashionistas get angry,
WE WILL RIP YOU APPART LIKE A CHEAP PAIR OF SOFT NYLONS PURCHASED FROM THE DRUG STORE!
I like to believe that I’m quite the nice and gentle person with
rare . . . err uh well. . . occasional mood swing tendencies, but I blame it on the people that refuse to leave me alone and unbothered! Being the classy gentleman that I am, I’ve politely asked multiple times for this particular person to leave my family and I alone, but nope, they just don’t understand well-mannered speech because they’re obviously uneducated and . . .just plain stupid!
Since, I’ve been lacking my weekly dosage of shopping due to hectic work schedules and just being so damn poor, my mood-swings are currently cranked up on maximum. Ergo, today was the day when I completely LOST MY SHIT and went Janice Dickinson on crack and pardon my language, but I ripped that MOTHERFUCKINGPIECEOFSHITCUNTEATINGSONOFAWHORE a new one!
I barked at them senselessly but that left them unaffected, so I decided to play real dirty and I literally kicked them against a door and started stomping them to the ground while continuing my screaming of profanities. In times like this, don’t you just wish that you were wearing some kind of killer shoe like that infamous pair of ten-inch platforms by Vivienne Westwood so you could stomp on that dirt-bag silly? Either way, if it wasn’t for my brother and an innocent bystander holding me back like lion tamers, I wouldn’t have stopped kicking that sack-of-shit’s face in!
After a moment of exhaustion and frustration about what just had happened, I realized that I’ve pathetically stooped down just as low as that person who I was
attacking confronting. . .uhhhhh . . .but really, I was less than remorsefull and I actually realized that I need to get back into shape ASAP!
P.S. I`m completely obsessed and salivating over the exuberating sex appeal of the current Jimmy Choo front page! Just a thought, if these heels could speak, I'd bet they say, "I'll fuck you up!"
It’s A.D.D. causing, fashionably impractical & completely ridiculous . . . I WANT IT.
So, I had some free time to myself the other day and decided to do a little something I’m always good at, online shop. Ergo, I came across this remarkable work of art by Delfina Delettrez, which made me gush and awe for a good minute or maybe two. This silver and 18kt Gold skeleton hand bracelet comes adorned with an 11ct cabocon ruby and .422ct./440 diamonds is a piece I would starve myself silly for. And looky here, FREE SHIPPING! Everyone knows us Asian’s love the word ‘free’, love it even more than
Much apologies to everyone for my pathetic lack of blog updates! I’ve been extremely busy trying to hustle and bustle at my family’s business, while my parents are away on vacation for the month. Not much of a valid excuse I know, but if I didn’t help out with the business, it would impossible for me to save the starving material world, since mommy and daddy won’t rescue me first from my wild spending habits. So don’t get your weave into knots and please bare with my poor blog productivity for the time being.
Anyhow, upon ma and pa’s departure for their month long trip to the barter loving country of Vietnam, ma asked what I would like for her to bring back for me as a gift. A scroll of things zipped through my mind and my lovely but naïve mother suggested, “How about one of those fake designer handbags?”
I burst into laughter. “YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?” . . . she wasn’t. I stared at her as if she was madwoman while she stared back confused and muffled. She was dead serious, but so was I. After my moment of hyperventilation, I educated and prohibited my mother from purchasing any fake designer handbags or to even look at those terrorist income funding garbage bags!
I’m a strong advocate against the usage of counterfeit designer handbags. Okay, we all understand that not everyone has money to purchase anYves Saint Laurent Muse bag or a Thomas Wylde leather handbag; So in that case, why don’t you purchase a bag that is in YOUR price range or is original looking and is something YOU like without pretending that your purchased it for like $2, 300 at Bergdorf Goodman from a recent trip to New York.
BULL SHIT! SHUT YOUR FACE! You got that shit in local Chinatown, behind a back ally of a smelly meat shop, by a chink eyed lady who only spoke broken salesperson English! “U BUYYY!” “NO DISSC-ONT” “FINNOWW SALE” “IT LOOOK IT GOOD”.
Moral is: It doesn’t matter how much or what label your handbag is, it’s the fact of how good the person looks or feels when they don that bag. An accessory or even clothing should never overpower the wearer. [insert lame corny Disney soundtrack here.]